You and your child have gone through “tests” and “evaluations.” Observations may have been conducted by family, friends and professionals, “something is off” or “well, maybe he is just slow, but will catch up.” These words are often spoken so nicely, but our heart sinks anyway. We watch, wonder, and worry.
Then the day comes, we get the official news or diagnosis. Do we feel a sense of relief or dread or both? Are we filled with emotions, questions and fears? Have some of our hopes sunk along with our heart?
Yep, and much more too.
So, now what?
There are so many options at times and at other times, seemingly none. Unfortunately, the reality can be “who you know” and “where you live.” Sometimes larger areas seem to offer more, but in rural areas, early intervention programs are blooming (expanding?). Teachers even visit students in their homes today. Supports are there, far more than over the last decade. So, even if you don’t know where to look, you can find out. There is hope. You are not alone. In fact, there is a community out there for you and your child. The work can begin.
Today, there are so many more resources and so much known to help children and families with a variety of special needs. Starting with where your child was tested—by your doctor or the school system—you can find what you are looking for. As your child begins to have his needs addressed and you learn how to help him, then you will see things begin to change. However, change can take time. Getting services can take time. Here is what I know from our experiences: we never know. We do not know how far your child will go, no matter how things look today. We never know what your child will be able to do in time. But, we do know love, along with support for you and your child matters. We do know early interventions can help and no matter what the label is today, that can change too. We just do not know, we cannot see the full picture. NO ONE can.
Losing the self-blame, the judgments, the criticism of yourself will have a huge impact on your energy levels and your abilities to see clearly and help your child . Even when it feels impossible, self-care will get you through some tough stuff. This will look different at different times, but even a brief moment to catch your breath will help more than you may realize.
What works for you today, may not tomorrow. That is normal. Sometimes, writing can be useful too. Sometimes “dancing like no one is watching” will be just what you need. Walking can give you and your child a break—using a stroller, bringing some music, maybe a friend and don’t forget the water. Fresh air is like magic. Going for a ride, alone or with your child can provide some time and space, and again playing music can soothe your heart and child. Nature is a free gift so use it, enjoy it, breathe it in as often as you can.
Nothing lasts forever. Your child may have a disability that will not go away, but you will see changes. Hopefully for the better, although at times it may not seem like it at all. Sometimes children have situations that do not get better and this is another situation all together, a heart breaker for sure. Even then, no one is meant to carry life alone. No one is an island.
No matter what you were told, keep seeking information, learn all you can. Be proactive in both getting and providing what your child needs. Now what? Now, you have more information and you are able to move forward. Knowing is better than not knowing. But keep in mind, nothing is set in stone. People change, new resources, treatments, therapists, and new information comes, things change. Keep things real and keep hope.
Parents, you are not alone. You can cry. You can laugh. You can get through this and so can your child. You are going to be their best advocate for years to come. You will learn and grow in ways you have not imagined. You’ve got this!
Please keep in mind: We do not provide therapy services. This blog is meant for eduction, not “advice” or any “therapeutic interventions.” If you need assistance, please do not hesitate to call you doctor or a mental health professional. Life can be tough at times, reach out for your self and your family if needed.
Feel free to send thoughts and suggestions to: wendy@the5needs.com
