When the old song asks, “What’s Love Got to Do With It?” the answer is simple—everything!
Just like the words from the song “Love Makes the World Go Round“ it’s true, love makes a dramatic difference.
Sometimes we forget one of the most important people we need to learn to love,
and cultivate a relationship with, is ourselves.
For some people that might sound egotistical, or it may sound arrogant, or proud. But the truth is, if we can’t love ourselves, we can’t fully love others. It all starts with us, the inside work that flows outward and makes all the difference. Sure others matter, but we matter too. We are the only constant in our lives. People come and people go, even the best people die in time, so will we one day. We want to leave a legacy of love and that starts with ourselves. Not always so easy or natural as some of you may know. But…we can do it!
Growing in our ability to have self-compassion is a lifelong experience. There’s been plenty of talk about self-love and self-esteem and even self-compassion, but what does all that really mean?
It is simpler than it may seem, but simple may not mean easy. It means: Learning to really love who we are NOW. Learning to have self-compassion and knowing that is gift to ourselves that keeps on giving.
Learning to embrace who we are now, without any judgment, condemnation or criticism can be quite a challenge for some of us.
Sometimes we have elevated expectations for ourselves that are impossible to reach, yet we get frustrated and sometimes even angry with ourselves. Sometimes we give up and throw away our dreams because of our impatience. A little bit of self-compassion can help keep us going. Throwing out the judgement will go a long way in helping us doing what we want to do too.
What if??
- What if we decided to be purposefully compassionate with ourselves?
- What if we decided to treat ourselves like our own absolute best friend? (Sounds sappy but think about it.)
- What if we learned ways to soothe ourselves when we are angry, or frustrated?
- What if we allowed ourselves time to dream and hold onto the dreams instead of giving up on them?
Having compassion with ourselves can be difficult. If we experienced any form of trauma, including childhood trauma, we may need a helping hand learning how to love ourselves and have compassion with ourselves. Sometimes it is not only what happened to us, but also what did not happen.
We can heal. We can always learn, and we can always grow. Learning to practice compassion for ourselves is a lifelong endeavor. It’s not something you do one day and forget it. It’s not something you “attain” but it can become a “way of being.” As we become aware, we can grow little by little. With different situations and circumstance, we can practice self-compassion when we are aware of this need in our lives.
Learning to be sensitive to ourselves and our own needs can become a way of life that opens us up to helping other people and allows us to build tolerance in our own lives. Some may feel that if they became too compassionate with themselves, they become “fat and lazy and do nothing.” However, that is the furthest thing from the truth. Instead, learning to have self-compassion has helped many people develop the insight and strength to create a more satisfying life. Sure, there’s always something more to learn, and we need to stay on top of this compassion thing for ourselves or it will slip away.
Is it worth the trouble, the attention, the time and energy? Absolutely. developing the skills to have compassion for ourselves takes time. It means getting to know ourselves, learning to accept all of who we are, and realizing we are going to be a work in progress until the day we die and that’s OK. It’s not only OK, but also healthy.
Love has everything to do with it. Learning to love ourselves it’s not something to take for granted. Instead, it’s something to spend time practicing repeatedly. Love can make our world go around in a much smoother way for ourselves and for everyone around us. We can’t change the world. We certainly cannot change another person. But we absolutely can change ourselves, our beliefs, our actions, and it may all start with examining our self-talk and awareness. What we believe about who we are at our core will impact our ability to love ourselves, have compassion and be kind to ourselves. Taking time to discover what we believe, truly believe, at our core…now that is powerful! (Can be devastating too to be honest, we may need to do some work!)
Developing compassion for ourselves is a lifesaving, and life enhancing gift that we give to ourselves. This can have a rippling affect—touching the lives of others, without us even knowing it. This means if we begin to take time to look at our life and develop the gift of self-compassion and self love, it will be worth the time and effort.
Yes, Love has everything to do with life and ourselves, our impact on others too. ENJOY the journey and if you cannot, reach out and get helping hand. You are worth it all!
Please note:
All of our blogs are intended for educational purposes only. These are not intended as “advice” or any form of therapeutic intervention. Please contact your doctor, local mental health office for help with individual problems or concerns. You may also call 988 to speak with a person about self-harm thoughts.
You matter. Help and hope are there for you.
