We are more alike than different.
Have you ever found yourself in a dark place emotionally, physically, or even spiritually? You know that feeling when everything seems heavy, too hard to figure out, and rather hopeless? Have you ever walked around with that cloud hanging over your head? How about the times when your heart and head feel like they’re in darkness and you are just feeling lost or overwhelmed?
These feelings do not necessarily mean anything is “wrong” with us. It may mean that we are normal and just going through a dark period. It absolutely could mean we have some physical problems or emotional or spiritual things that we need to deal with, and the feelings are just letting us know “it is time.” Time to do some work, not because we are “bad” or messed up, but because we are loved, loving, and worth the time, money, and effort. We are valuable beyond what we may realize right now. We have gifts inside of us that the world is waiting patiently to receive. We have life in us that will bring us joy. Our life can unfold in beautiful ways we may not have dreamed possible. One step at a time. One foot in front of the other. Some days, this is our best and this is enough. Other days we can push. Some days we need to rest. Life is a journey. Staying present counts as a “win” for those of us who need to win at something. This can be a big win too.
We may not care right now about any of that, but what we do care about, what we do know is we want to be out of the dark. NOW.
We each have our own journey. Sometimes that journey takes us into dark places for a reason. Sometimes we need some solitude. Other times, we may just need to rejuvenate to revive ourselves. We tend to want a “reason” and a “fix” and sometimes those are not found. We need to NEVER GIVE UP. We can be where we are and keep ourselves safe.
We could be going through a time of grieving. Grieving comes along throughout our life, not only when people die. Grieving can be so hard. We can reach out and share the heaviness in our hearts, the fears, the pain, and sometimes that helps. We can find ourselves in a place of grieving when we are healing physically and emotionally too. Sometimes, grieving is the way through the pain to the other side we are seeking so desperately.
There are so many reasons to be in a dark place. We could be sick physically. Maybe we are recovering from a broken bone, a serious illness, surgery or have some other physical problems that bring us down. Maybe we are depressed and need to get some help, just as we would for diabetes. Maybe we are in therapy and the changes, they are hard. Speaking about this with your therapist is vitally important to your therapy work. Makes notes to bring into the next session in case it passes. Still share what is happening.
The flip side is true too.
There are also many reasons to be in a bright and wonderful place, a peaceful, calm, delight place can where we find ourselves too.
And guess what, there’s lots of space in between those two places (the dark and the light). Someone said, “It’s called life.” They were right. Not flipping off the pain or the delights, just being real…we are all human and this journey we are traveling, well it is life.
We can judge, we can compare, and we can forget what “normal” is at times because we want to “fix” things and sometimes, there is really nothing to “fix” at all. What a relief! One person’s normal may not be the same as the other persons normal. We will know our own normal and when that is out whack, we can take action, if needed to regain our balance and recenter ourselves.
The highs and the lows, the dark and difficult times, the light and easy times, and the fun times. It’s all normal. Sometimes we catastrophize where we are and tend to make it worse. Other times we are oblivious to it and don’t even pay attention. Sometimes we want to fix what is not broken. Sometimes we need to just be present and let life be what it is, as it is at the time. If we are unsure, if we just cannot see clearly, we can ask someone we trust.
What’s wonderful and can almost seem like magic, is when we come out of the dark and we can look back and learn. We realize there were some lessons there for us. We might realize we’ve grown so much through that dark. We often will appreciate the “light” and even the “grays” much more after we have experienced darkness.
Getting through is important. We don’t want to stay there too long. Being in the dark all the time is NOT normal.
When we come out of the dark it’s important to take a minute or two and recognize our gratefulness and not take it for granted. There’s a good chance we did something for ourselves to get out of the dark. We could have listened to music, journaled, sought professional help, or waited through it. No matter what it took, we were doing the best that we could at the time. What worked? What did not work?
How did we do with each of our needs while in the dark? What do we want to do now to meet each of the needs in healthy ways? Taking time to consider each need is important. This does not need to take too long but can make a positive difference in our life.
Checking in with how specifically we meet the needs, can show us things about ourselves, strengths and also where we may need to tighten up a bit or make some changes (often pretty easy changes too). Look at each need in your life and think about how you are meeting the need:
- Staying Alive
- Love and Belonging
- Freedom and Boundaries
- Power
- Fun
Coming out of the dark is a gift. Sometimes it comes with a price. Sometimes we must change our ways and our thoughts before or after we get out of the dark.
What is beautiful to remember is that even in the darkest moments we can, and will, get through it. We can change. We do change.
Let’s take a few minutes to acknowledge where we are now in life. We matter. How we feel matters. Our choices matter. We’ve got this!
Please note:
All of our blogs are intended for educational purposes only. These are not intended as “advice” or any form of therapeutic intervention. Please contact your doctor, school counselor, local mental health office or hospital for help with individual problems or concerns.
You may also call 988 to speak with a person about self-harm thoughts.
