Better Not To Know (with 3 songs)

Better Not to Know

As we go through life, we often want answers and want them NOW! As we travel through the landscape of our own lives, we learn to identify what we need and begin to see that sometimes our behaviors are connected to our needs. Sometimes when we do not meet our basic needs, we can see this reflected in our behaviors, feelings, and thoughts. Sometimes, when we don’t have the energy to meet our needs, we feel sad, overwhelmed, and anxious and know we need to change. We may need to contact a counselor to get some insight, help, and healing. It is easy to think we need to do it all NOW! But it takes time.

We want to KNOW…

1. How will we meet the need to stay alive if I lose my job?
2. When will I find love and be in a healthy relationship?
3. When will I feel I belong to a group of people that want me to be part of the things they are doing?
4. How can I really love myself, as I see myself with so many flaws?
5. How can I gain freedom from these addictions, even “socially acceptable ones”?
6. How can I set boundaries with my partner, my friends and not be unkind or selfish?
7. What power do I really have in my life when I sometimes feel so unable and helpless?
8. What do I like to do for fun? I have no idea!

We Want To Know NOW…Please. Just tell me.

These are just a few of the questions that come up when we begin exploring The 5 Needs in Life, especially when we are ready to dig in, want to get the nitty gritty done and get on with life. We need time. We may not know all the answers to most things, but as we learn, grow, be, and become, we will know in time.

We do what we know, as we know. We do our best.

We accept we do not need to “have it all together,” and we do not need to even think about getting anything perfect. While learning about our needs, there is no judgment and no condemnation. We “just” stay present (which can be challenging at times). We learn as we go. Once we can identify the needs, we are on our way. We do not have to meet our needs perfectly before we can share this information with others, teach this material in our classes, and begin support groups to help others. Sometimes, we help ourselves as we help others, as long as we are doing our own work at the same time. 

Life happens. We get hurt, and things fall apart, but we do not; as long as we ae alive, we are not over; we are not totally falling apart. We may be a mess. But that is common; we are human. We are not alone.

We fall, and we get up. We learn we grow. We are solid at the core. Life will throw things our way; it just happens. We still work on meeting the needs. We do the best we can. We stay steady.  We “sow our seeds” in our own lives and in those we encounter, but we do not know…it is better not to know…seasons come and go. Our needs remain the same, but sometimes it will seem we don’t have the answers to meet our needs or help another person we care deeply about. Sometimes, we wonder when things will turn around. We do not know, and we need just to keep walking, resting as needed, hold on and know, we will know what we need to know, exactly when we need to know it… “Somewhere down the road, there will be answers to the questions” (see song below).

Change Happens, but…

Our needs do not change. Sometimes, they may not be our priorty, but if we look below the sruface, beyond the crisis, we may find we are still meeting them, or longing to meet them in sublt ways. Our needs can feel complicated at times. The ways we meet them changes over time, with our situations and circumstance, but, so far, it seems we will always need love and to belong; we will deal with freedom and boundaries and the loss of freedoms as well as changing boundaries as we grow.

We often have more power than we recognize. We can learn. We can see ourselves differently. We can change. We will find ways that work for us; power may look different at different times and phases of our life. Our choices and words (especially our self-talk) is a source of power.

How we can love ourselves is another source of power in our life. Discovering ways to be gently with ourselves, to give ourselves a break and show some compassion to ourselves, actually can increase the power we feel in life. Learning skills like mindfulness meditation can help increase our power in various ways (see Dr. Daniel Siegel’s work on The Mindful Brain).

We do need fun. Life is boring without fun. But fun takes energy, and energy can come when we are fully alive, not just surviving. Taking care of our physical needs to stay alive matters. Getting check-ups, eating and drinking wisely for our own body, and getting some exercise are all important, but being alive, is more than those things, even though those things matter a great deal. There is the emotional component, too; for some people, the Spiritual component is very important.

We want to meet our needs to the best of our ability, continue learning and growing, and be fully alive, not just surviving. We can change. There is hope, always. It is okay not to know; in fact, it may be better not to know everything. Here is a song that says it well. Below are a couple more songs with messages that may help us along our journey. Enjoy the gift or music.

Better Not To Know

Amy Grant

We sowed our seeds
Watered with tears
Waiting for signs of growth
Took months of days
And then took years.
We took our steps
We took our falls
Somewhere along the way
We just got lost
And we lost it all.
Nothing ventured nothing gained
The risk of living is the pain
And what will be will be anyway

Oh, it’s better not to know
The way it’s gonna go
What will die and what will grow
It’s better not to know

Those tiny stems became these trees
With dirt and storms
And sun and air to breathe
Like you and me
And some fell down
And some grew tall
And those surviving twenty winter thaws
Have the sweetest fruit of all
But innocence and planting day
Are both long gone
So much has changed
And if we got to do it all again …

Oh it’s better not to know…

Written by: Cindy Morgan, Amy Grant, Marshall Altman, Jeremy Bose

Album: How Mercy Looks From Here

Released: 2013

Lyrics provided by Musixmatch

https://youtu.be/3vCk6i0jYQE

Here are a couple more songs, lyrics included. May they nourish us when we need them.

Deep As It Is Wide: https://youtu.be/3vCk6i0jYQE

Somewhere Down The Road: https://youtu.be/aA_hoCFcQo