Here you go, another fork in the road!
Most of us have been in situations in life where we have faced “a fork in the road.” Do we go right, or do we go left? Which way is the best for us at this time in our life? It can be so tricky.
In order to get to an answer, it is a good idea to start with being still and trying to hear what our heart and head are saying. Sometimes we need to consult with others and sometimes we just need to stick with our gut. But the choice we make will have consequences and possibly also rewards. Every choice we make has an impact on our life to some degree—there are “big deals” and all the “little stuff.” That “little stuff” adds up too as we know.
If the choice we made turns out to be wise and helps us along our journey as we continue to meet our needs in life in healthy ways that is wonderful. It’s so helpful when we do things that seem to help us on our journey. How about if we stop for a minute to acknowledge ourselves and give a little credit for being clear, even if it took some guts and bravery to get there. As adults, we can sometimes move so fast through life, we don’t stop and enjoy the choices, the brave actions we take in life. It matters because it can be a part of self-care, self-compassion and just fun!
If that same fork in the road gave us an opportunity and it did not turn out to be what we thought, that’s not all bad because there are lessons to learn. The first lesson may be to not judge ourselves so harshly. Many of us are our own worst critic, and that does not help. In fact, self-judging can cloud the situation and not allow us to see clearly and learn from the experience. Often there are valuable lessons if we are willing to see them.
For some of us it’s just natural to pile self-judgment and condemnation on our backs and carry it silently in our hearts, weighing us down, stealing our joy and blinding us from support and hindering our growth. The good news is: We can change that!
We can make the choice to learn and grow. We can, at any age, make changes in our lives, our core beliefs, our attitudes and our behaviors. No one is an island, and no one has lived in another’s shoes, so we need to be sensitive, aware and alert—even with ourselves. It is sometimes easy to think that is true for others, but let’s focus on ourselves. Although we may need some professional guidance to help sort through core beliefs and become more self-accepting, it is possible to change our mindset. This is worth the price of therapy for it can be a game changer.
The choices really are ours. Even if we feel incredibly stuck and unable to make a choice, we are actually making a choice by not choosing. There is plenty of help available out there—doctors, school counselors, churches and others. It could be you just need some accountability by talking with a friend or family member to help get going. It also could be it’s time to dig in and do some deep work. If that’s the case, find a good counselor who you can trust and build a healthy relationship with and go for it.
So, if you find yourself in a fork in the road…pause. Think of all the pro’s and con’s of each way that is presented, then make a choice. Go for it! You will find what yu need to find. This may be lessons, people who need you, people you need or even opportunities to live your life in ways you never expected. While consdeirng each way, think about how the choice you make may or not impact the ways you meet each of The 5 Needs in your life and those who will be a part of the choice, if others are involved.
5 quick thoughts to get you started:
- Will you health be better? Will the stress in your life in carease or decrease? Will the environment be better for you? (Staying Alive)
- Will your family be impacted? Will you all be able to find new friends and groups to belong with or be able to remain with the connections you already have now?(Love and Beloning)
- Will you have more freedom in your life with either choice? Will you be able to set healthy boundaries with either choice or will you loose some freedom and ability to set boundaries?(Freedom and Boundaries)
- How will you feel? Empowered? Will you be able to increase your sense of worth and power with either choice? How specifically can you do this?(Power)
- Will either choice add fun to your life? Something we often forget to address is fun, but fun matters a lot and can easily impact each of the other needs. How will you ablity to have fun be impacted?(Fun)
Just look for a minute or two, let the language of The 5 Needs become a prat of your dialy life so that you can easily see where you are with each need and where you might want to improve.
Enjoy the journey. The choices are yours. That fork in the road can be the start of something wonderful and new.
Please note:
All of our blogs are intended for educational purposes only. These not intended as “advice” or any form of therapeutic intervention. Please contact your doctor, school counselor, local mental health office or hospital for help with individual problems or concerns.
Feel free to send ideas, ways you have used The 5 Needs, questions about how to use The 5 Needs in your work, consultation requests and suggestions to: wendy@the5needs.com
